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Running is a mental battle….

24 Apr

The best runs in life are….the bad ones. Don’t get me wrong the ones where you PR or where everything is feeling perfect and the weather is great and you feel like cartoon birds are flying around you are great as well. But those runs do not teach you anything, they make you think you are the greatest runner ever and you can do anything. Which you can, but its the bad runs that teach you what you are made of. Last week I logged a total of 2.75 miles since I was not feeling good. I felt pathetic! This weekend I signed up for my races and decided it was time to get moving and training like a champ!

Well that was not really in the cards for today’s run. This post may go to a place of TMI, but if you are a runner you have been there or you will be trust me! Let me start off by saying my tummy has been acting up like crazy. Add to that the fact that last night I ate a bag of microwave popcorn because I felt like it. BAD CALL! That is not on my diet and my body did not take that well. I started off the run feeling tired and sluggish. Well then that progressed about a half mile in to feeling the strong urge to go to the bathroom. Then it was time to make the decision to turn around and go home or keep going. I was determined to finish the run and the new route I had planned. I didnt know how far the route was but I made deals with myself the whole time, like walk to this point then run you lazy girl! I was trying to keep my mind off it and trying to not have to dash to the woods to use the facilities! My first mile was crap, I was psyching myself out and thinking I was a loser who would never be ready for my 10k in June or my two half marathons coming up. Then by the second mile I realized no I was strong and was actually doing this when I felt awful. I actually was running and checking my splits each time my Garmin beeped all negative splits, which that is what you want. I was trying to pump myself up and realize that I was not going to beat myself. Heck I did 33 pushups yesterday (not on my knees, real ones people!) When two weeks ago I only did 3 pushups! I can get stronger and I have to believe in myself.

Here were my splits:

Mile 1 ~ 12:59 Feelings- Pissed! I am a lazy, fat, slow, loser, who will never be ready and cheated on my diet!

Mile 2~ 12:40 Feelings- Okay your doing a bit better, your warming up, oh god I really have to use a bathroom when will this run be over

Mile 3~ 11:24 You are a rock star you are doing so great you have been running almost this whole mile, you are going to feel better and run fast!

I was so glad my last mile pace was not far from race pace and that I finally started to believe in myself more! I have no confidence in myself and put myself down a lot, but I know I am getting stronger and starting to believe in myself. In running that IS the battle it is you against yourself, and no matter what you have to keep going as hard as you can for as long as you can! I did that today and even though I went 3.1 miles in 37:49 for a 12:11 pace this was one of my BEST runs because it showed me what I can really do! That is why I say your bad ones are the best because they teach you when your back is against the wall, what will and can you do. You better prove to yourself you are strong and worth it, so keep pushing!!!

It is time for me to hit the hay! Tomorrow I will be posting todays lunch, and tonights dinner which included Cauliflower Rice….YUM Slow Carbing (Dan even loved it).

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3 Responses to “Running is a mental battle….”

  1. Tamarra April 24, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

    Good job Alex….you can do it. I’m proud of you.

    • Alex K April 24, 2012 at 10:04 pm #

      Thanks Tamarra! You know how hard I am on myself but I am working on it!

  2. Middleaged Runner April 25, 2012 at 7:07 am #

    nice job pushing through. It will just get easier and easier!

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